Man... Coronavirus and self-isolation are terrible, especially for a single soul at this time
I've been work from home on my 4th week now and I could tell that it's suck... well, at least the last 2 weeks is terribly awful when you had an amazing self-isolation in the first 2 weeks with the one.
My office announced that we need to work from home start from the last week of March, My plan to visit my family in my hometown needs to be canceled, and it breaks the rule if I go outside my place. In the first week of quarantine, I was almost going crazy, everything seems to be overwhelming. I was dying to go outside just on the first day of isolation.
Out of boredom, I signed myself in the dating app, talked to many guys but only one guy who still maintained our conversation even I had showed him my craziness emotion at some point. So I decided to go on a date with him, a Brit guy who also stuck in Bangkok because his travel plan was canceled. We went on a night date at Tesco at 10 PM, picked ingredients to cook (well, mostly it was him who choose). He cooked spaghetti for me, made sauces from scratch, and can't deny that he did a really great job! We had a good conversation, drank and watch Hangover 2 (the movie was filmed in Thailand!) and the rest was history.
I decided to spend most of my time during the first two weeks with him in a lovely hometel where you have a co- kitchen and a space to chill, and because of this Corona season, it was only us living there plus one lovely housekeeper.
Day by day we did nothing but cooked, talked, went to the supermarket, watched a movie, play games together, went out for a walk (wearing a face mask and carry hand sanitizer of course)-holding hand even that was technically the government tell us not to do, we did 'quarantine together'. I would say that is some of my favorite times of my life, I never went on a date that a guy cooks for me and being goofy around me... I wasn't planning to have a deep connection at first, but I feel like I was just quickly felt to reach for intimacy in these unusual- usual settings. I used to read about the love crisis, they said in the moment of fear and panic, people tend to grab into the safest, most available for intimacy person around us. That was me I guess, even I realized it later though...
In the second week of April, his flight back home was canceled twice due to the restrictions of Thai airport. We were still joking around that he might be stuck here till the end of April and he had to deal with me longer. Soon after that night, his health insurance managed to find an expensive flight for him to rush back home on the next night. I bet we both were stunned, I could tell that he didn't prepare to leave that early- as least he said that to me, and I did tell him that I didn't want him to leave just yet... We tried to accept that the party needs to be over eventually, in a good side he can be safe back home and has health insurance supporting him back there...
Saying goodbye was the hardest part when you don't know when you will see this person again and even worst in this situation where no one at this moment knows when will this pandemic end. I cried so hard but I promise him not to cry cause that made him cried too...
I'm just an emotional girl, I cried when saying goodbye, I cried when I miss him. I called him out the last time before he walked to the gate, he promised that we will still talk.. I really want to keep our relationship. If I know what will happen after, I won't definitely let him go. I would hug him longer than that.
The first week after he back in UK, we still had a good connection, he showed me around town, how quite downtown London was, how busy the park near his house was in the Easter weekend, we were talking a lot about his life- my life.
It has been 2 weeks since he left and 2 weeks that I back to my miserable life- living alone - self-isolation and it becomes even more lonely when you had such a great time with people you like. I miss him and I often feel like whether I'm losing the connection and opportunity of having the one in my life. I fear that he won't wait for me and go on a date again there. I also miss the physical intimacy and craving his attention... but the thing isn't always turning into the way you want.
Just one week and a half after he backed in UK, he texted me that he had a lot of things going on there and starting to feel different now when back home ...
I didn't' blame him, people can change especially when you are apart from each other. It's just me who still reminisce about every moment I have had. It reminds me every time I listen to the songs we add to our playlist, when I went shopping at the store we used to visit, every drink we had together, every road we drove pass by, everything just reminds me of him and I really can't move on now.
He doesn't talk to me as much now and often takes a long time to respond to my texts. All I'm trying to do now is coping with my mental health to not break down more than this and try to accept that our relationship will not be able to survive this crisis...
I know that you will never have a chance to read this. I just want to say that I really miss you even now and really wish we can meet each other in real-life again. I sang Katy Perry's song one day when you were cooking remember? and you asked me if I sang that for you.
At that time, I denied but deep down in my head said 'maybe' but would you hurt me after that ?. It's such a bittersweet memoried looking back from now and I am just a loser.., maybe it is too fast to say, but I think you were my first 'the one that got away' like the song I sang to you.
I miss you. x