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Youth and Hookup Culture: Can Love and Sex Be Separated?

  • Youth and Hookup Culture: Can Love and Sex Be Separated?

                   Among getting Gucci belt, buying new iPhone, drinking Milk tea, being a membership of YouTube and Spotify premium, having a hook-up relationship is a trend of the youth culture now whether they are man, woman, LGBTQIA+ and so on. Hook up culture is uncommitted sexual relationship between individuals who are not even romantic mates or dating each other; a kind of a relationship like ‘I am not your girlfriend and you are not my boy boyfriend’; ‘but when we are lonely, we just have fun and spend the night together’ or ‘we could meet again if we want to’. It might end in a night or last over months or years if it pleases the youth enough. The youth can change their partners as often as they want. (But be sure that it is a safe sex) However, hookup culture must be done by agreement, which no commitment is required. They can leave or say good bye whenever they want. In other word, Hookup culture is all about ‘Sex for Sex Sake’.

     

    Can we just have sex with anyone who we meet only a night and we are not even a thing with them!

    Can we? What about emotional feeling called love?

    Love and Sex. Love and Sex, Love and Sex.


    Can love and sex be separated?  What do you think? 

                I know you are doubting about idea of romantic love. It is true that sex and emotions are linked. During hugging and orgasm, levels of oxytocin or “love hormone” will increase, says Markus MacGill in “What is the link between love and oxytocin?”;Oxytocin is a hormone that is involved with, trust, empathy sexual activity, and relationship-development. There might be a monogamous couple out there who are totally in love, holding hands, going on a date and kissing each other’s lips tenderly, making love passionately by the notion of pure love and building a bright future together. That is fine. It is a normal relationship. Similarly, hook-up relationship is also totally fine. Many young people have different goals and preferences in the relationship which each of us has different reasons for having sex. Some might look for long-term partner – by committed status or marriage. Some might look for short term partner – one-night-stand or friends-with-benefits. 

                Personally, to love or to have sex is a freedom of choice. Sex is quite different from ‘love’. It is not only natural but also pleasurable. Now we are living in the digital age. Hooking up can be arranged on social media, which is the most convenient, and then manage the place to make out. Finding sex buddy in 21st century is as easy as pie; with only one touch or few swipes. I created the questionnaires of “Youth: Hookup Culture” and posted it online to survey how Thai youth whose age were between 18-24 think about love and sex separation on behalf of new generation. The feedback was quite great, which I received answers from 88 youths. The result showed that most of the youth respondents who used to hook up were 22 years old, at 34.1 percent. The response from each gender lined  in order, woman at 45.5 percent, LGBTQIA+ at 34.1 percent and man at 20.5 percent. Half of the respondents reacted that the essential main factor for hooking up was being ‘sexually aroused’. After hooking up, 50 percent of them showed that they ‘liked’ uncommitted relationship while there is 21.6percent did not like and 28.4 percent felt nothing. Most of them find sex partners from dating apps, mostly Tinder (Swipe right to get your perfect match!) 

                  Coming to the highlight question ‘Can love and sex be separated?’, surprisingly 88.6 percent of them said in unison that it can be, and only 11.4 percent of them said it cannot. From 1 to 5 in range, most people rated the possibility of turning hooking up into committed relationship and it was at level 3. This number was in the middle where the chance of relationship development was low but also quite high. However, 64.8 percent of them agreed to keep partners as only sex buddies, which whenever they had lust, they could fulfil each other’s sexual desire every time. This information is beneficial for showing that love and sex can be 2 different things in youth’s perspective.



    The highlight from youth response to the question “How do you feel about hooking up and why do you like it?”

     

              “I do not want to have a burden of my feelings” – Youth A

     

              “Personally, I do not believe in love. Love is complicated. Sticking yourself with              

              someone is a thing that needs thorough consideration.” –Youth B

     

              “I am too lazy to find a boyfriend. I just want someone to have sex with. There are no              dram a love emotions interferes me but it is just about comfort.” – Youth C

     

     Also, with the same question above, I did personal interview with the student in the Faculty of Liberal Arts.

               “Having sex is like craving for bubble milk tea; when we want to relax ourselves,             
               drinking it soothes us. Love and sex are different. Sex is pleasure. Love is attachment.

               Each of us value both of different things in their own way.” – BabyBo

      

               All of the answers from individual youth widen my world about sex – I am enlightened more about various kind of youth relationship. Youth have feelings, intense feelings. Most of them are just looking for temporary partners. Agree with me, sex is normal. It is nature of human being to yearn for physically pleasing activity. 


  •         


               To me, it has been fundamentally important how we as youth want our life adventure to happen, we can make our life full of memorable experiences. I frequently used to struggle with separating sex and love but I have been taking a lot of time to consider myself and discover ways to deal with my own limitations and boundaries. It does not mean I do not have a crush on a guy who has a good sense of humor and is very smart and sexy. I do. A big crush. 


    Lovethe four-letter-word, has distinct uniqueness in itself.


              Love makes me the most secure. I can be plain, serious and also goofy without fear of being judged. Because I know whenever I fall deep in my darkest of times, there is eventually going to be someone who stays with me through the good and bad. Love helps me and him open up our world and break our walls to share flaws, feelings, vulnerabilities without being afraid – each of us will put lots of effort to stabilize commitment in our relationship so much that we value those imperfections as the most incredibly perfect thing that human can adore.

                In contrast, physical and sexual activity is a period of short-lived time when I would allow myself into the world of natural drives, succumbing to the emotional fulfillment and wet warmth with someone I feel safe with; even though he is not my romantic partner. In my perspective, hookup culture is the best option for lonely people who only want sex for sex sake. You have only one life, so, choose what you think it is the best. No matter what relationship you are in, communication about your expectations desires before you hook up is needed.  If you want love, go get a boy friend. If all your need is just your lust to be reciprocated, then go have sex. Burn your wild passion til you are satisfied. As long as you know your preference in relationship and it does not cause harm to you or to anybody, having uncommitted sex is the answer. Once again, sex and love are in some way related. Intimacy can happen in both love and sex. The intimacy is when we feel close and cozy to someone, or when we do intimate act especially sexual intercourse. Sex can be developed into love if you want to. You just have to find out what you are looking for. But as long as you are single and free, you can get touched as much as you want, enjoy the excitement and flirting as long as you need. I think we can separate it but we do not need to refuse it. You might use hooking up experience to do experiment of finding your most compatible and perfect mates. Who knows? 



    There is love without sex; there is sex without love; and there can be both love and sex in relationships.

    The modern sex does not change the notion of love for youth in today society. I am youth; I know we all are human. We all have passion, emotions, affection, desire, lust and also freedom. Some people want to embrace their independence while also want to fulfil sexual urge but do not want to stick with anyone. So, have sex without commitment, give each other pleasure and then separate to live our lives, how freer could that be?  Some youth might connect sex and emotion and some might not. I think it just depends on what they are looking for and how they approach into the relationship in the first place. To me, love is like a glass of white wine and sex is the red wine. Your life is your choice; the choice is in your hand.

     

                  Ask yourself, what are you thirsty for?


                  Both of the wine might share mutual sensations: impassioned, hot and ardent. But they are different in quality of taste and smell. Which one will you drink to quench the thirst; sip either of them slowly one at a time OR drink them all together at the same time?



    “SSSSSSS, Muah!”


    - AlwaysYourDaisy

  • Works Cited

    MacGill, Markus.“What is the link between love and oxytocin?”

              https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795.4 Sep 2020. Accessed 17 December 2020.

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