As time goes by. Bad memories tend to appear now and then. But the good memories are nowhere to be found. Bad memories seem to have effect on us more than good one. Happiness doesn’t always occur. But rather the pain. We sometimes may recall some part of good memories, but it isn’t as vivid as the bad one. Which lead to inevitable situation. We get stuck. Unable to move on.

It isn’t fair, is it ? 

Why can’t good memories come back to us in time we need them the most. 

Why can’t we think of something beautiful. 

Why do we have to stuck with things we wish to forget the most. 

The more we struggle, the more we fight, mostly the outcome is even worse. But human aren’t made to give up easily when we get hurt. Survival instinct will push us to find a way to be free from pain. If you are capable of asking for help. I’m so happy for you. I do. Still, there are a lot of people who don’t know how to ask for help. Me for example.

Surprisingly, I found myself unable to open up. Not to anyone, not even me. I used to talked about my feelings. I just can’t remember since when or why did I stoped. It just happened. I guess not saying anything is easier than explain why. More and more I keep silence, more and more I forgot how to speak up. 

I couldn’t ask for help nor healing myself. Have you ever see any doctor perform a surgery to themself? Same principle. 2nd bachelor degree in counseling doesn’t do me any favor as well. I am capable of providing any necessity people around me may need. But whenever it’s about me, I am completely useless.

Lately I get a chance to participate group counseling research. Due to ethical, there’s nothing much I can say about what happened during session. What I can say is what comes afterward. 

A useful thought. Maybe. To be honest I’m still processing. It’s kinda hard to accept anything new when I’m not an open minded. But I’m trying. As same as figuring out how to actually moving on. I won’t talk about the problem. What’s done is done. At some point we have to accept the fact that “There’s nothing we can do about it.“ 

So why don’t we focus on what we can do ?

Common mistake, we may misunderstanding that there’s nothing we can do because we are in pain. When in fact, there are a lot of things we can do. Internal pain experience was as real as external pain. True. But it isn’t all the same. 

During difficult time when we silently yell “Help!”. When we are looking for help or when we think we need other to save us. We don’t. 

Who’s going to save your fragile heart better than yourself ? 

None. 

Who’s going to come and rescue your as soon as you need help ? 

No one can respond that fast. 

Except for yourself.

We are the best healer for ourselves. 

People find it’s hard to escape the darkest hour. It is so easy to be trapped in our mind. Thought are the most powerful weapon. It can be use against us. Also, it can be the greatest strength we ever have.

As we drawn in tears, we may wish for something to hold on to. Something to pull us over. Bad memories is what surrounded us. It’s dragging us down. We must not give in.  There will always be light in the darkness. As same as the string for us to hold. 

Pain can blindfolded us but it can’t change the fact that we are lovable and we deserve a chance to move on as much as we give people a second chance they deserve. 

If we can forgive people for their mistake, why can’t we do the same to ourselves ? What’s the point of complaining, drowning and punishing ourselves for something we didn’t have power over them back then and don’t own any magic power to change the result at the present. The string to hold on to isn’t some sort of fantasy imagination that doesn’t exist. It is real. As much as our existence. If we can’t swim out of the ocean of tears, that’s because we don’t have faith in the most powerful person on this planet. Ourselves. We are more than capable of swimming out of sadness.

Think about it. How many times we’ve been through bad shit and yet here we are.

If we can cope with those shitty situation. This too shall pass. 

Life is hard. Beware of our heart to not let it break is harder. Bad shit happens all the time. But it is important to always remember “it won’t be like this forever.” 

Pain does not live with us eternal. Even just a glimpse of joyful, pain does disappear. Happiness comes quickly like a snap of finger. It is the evidence that we can let go of pain.

Pulling out good memories will speed up the process. I don’t believe life alway goes down. It must has been up. Whatever lift us up. Recall it. Beautiful moments never truly gone. It only fade away for a while. Use it as a string to climb up. There for we shall survive.

Based on neuroscience. Bad outcome just implant deeper in our cerebral cortex.

( — Dr.Shaun Murphy, The good doctor ss3 ep3 ) 

But it doesn’t mean we never make a right decision. That’s not true. We did make a right decision, several times. We just couldn’t think clearly when we are in a bad position. Pain tend to be heavier than happiness. Everything seems heavy. 

Again, we must not give in. The reason why our heart is a size of a fist is because it was design to fight in order for us to be alive. Let our heart do their job. Let it fight for one more time. 

Sure. Fighting is tired. But doesn’t the outcome worth the pain ? 

I believe from the bottom of my heart, it’s worth it. 

Lack of motivation ? Picture yourself waking up in the morning with all the pain go away. Problems are gone. How does it make you feel? Pretty relieved, right? That’s the best motivation to fight through whatever standing between us and those feelings. Concur the pain with happiness is the easiest way to regain ourselves back together again. 

People change. Even if we are not aware of. Even if we don’t want to. We can’t stay young forever. Growing up as an adult means growing useful thoughts from painful experience. Life never gives us a break and yet it forces us to work around the clock. I know. 

But it is important to must not lose ourselves as we grow old. Life will force us to change. To become someone heartless is each and every single day. Don’t. Don’t lose humanity just because it is easier to deal with pains. No matter how hard it is to resist, please fight with me. We have to get our true self back no matter what. Pains need to go away. But not us.

Someone already came up with a solution. I name it “how to move on 101”. 

Before joint group counseling I didn’t think the program will have effect on me. As I said earlier, I’m not open minded. But I have to take back my word. It does effect on me more than I think it would. A little secret to confess, I almost cried. Luckily I managed to hold it back. So I didn’t have to embarrassed myself in front of the whole group. The tears that almost dripping down my face weren’t because of sadness. It because I was happy. Something heavy finally got of my chest. I was free from guilt that has been consuming me for a while. Guilt that it’s not even my fault. Not by my intention. That moment is to die for. I would do anything to feel what I felt whenever I’m having a bad time in the future. This precious moment is to never forget.

It also remind me something important. If pain can happen, it can disappear as well. Only a matter of time. Nothing last forever. All it takes is the right pick up memories to be use against darkness. Problem may not be gone, yet. At least I am more powerful. I have the power to out do and finally moving on. Thanks to our group leader who came up with brilliant thoughts. I own it to him.

This isn’t the end. It’s only the beginning of the new chapter. A chance of growing. I’ve found my how to move on 101. And I wish you all will find yours.

Sincerely me at 3 am