My life is so messed up at almost 30th.

I'm living life that I don't expect myself to be living at this age. Working on a job that I don't have passion with and it drains my soul. No saving money - not that I can blame it on anyone else but myself though. Luckily I'm living in an apartment that I like it a lot with a roommate that can handle my unstable emotions. I'm not a Bipolar, just unpredictable.

I feel lost. I've been feeling lost quite a while. It's more clear after I got a nose job and them doubting if I've made a right decision. Like, I mean I made decisions base on nothing recently and that's not a good sign.

I imagined myself at this age to have a successful business. Self-employed. Wealthy, healthy and traveling the world with a life partner plus two dogs. Well, I got none of them as I mentioned my life is messed up.

I actually found an old diary that I wrote to myself 3 years ago back when I was in Sweden. I was so full of positive energy to improve myself. I was energetic, eager to learn new things and was so brave. I was planning to travel to many places in Europe but never happen. That girl in 2017 lost now in 2020. That's kinda sad. I'm now at the age of 29 and will turn 30 in 3 month-ish, is going to try to bring that lively girl back.

30 will be the new 15 (but more mature than I was at my actual 15). Starting with writing everyday. Yeap! I used to write. And now I will write everything that comes through my mind. Every single thing.