I keep asking myself what is the purpose of life. I always have the thoughtof why am i here. Why HIM sent me here? Why my parents wanna have children? Is this world so beautiful that you wanna have kids? And i always have these kinda questions in my head. I cannot find any answers.
I don’t know the reason of my existence and I don’t feel my existence is that important. I am so small. I’m just a micro dust in this universe. It doesn’t matter if I am here or not because finally world will run the same. If I’m gone people may be sad for awhile. And they will finally get back to normal.
I ask myself do you wanna live? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Still love to see people love each other. Collect those happiness in my memory. Love to see happiness even it’s not me who can have it.
Life is hard and tough. I have fucked up with my life for many years. But this is the first year that I feel despair. It’s the very first time i have this kind of feeling. It’s so terrible. I don’t know how long will I carry this feeling. Will I end up as Esther or Sylvia? I don’t know. No one knows. All I can do now is just follow what they say until the last page has come. And that maybe the time that i can be free.