Because of the shame and stigma of this black dog. I was constantly worried that I would be found out. So I invested vast amounts of energy into cover him up.

  Yep, I was confused 

  

  At first, I never notice the symptoms of it. Until my brother took me to the doctor

   It is difficult doing the test. There was so much pressure.

   ‘What if the result come out that I have IT, how would I be?’ There was many questions in my mind

   So I decided
   To kept this as a secret.

   Having realized that it’s him,make me began to afraid of having a best friend as a black dog in my life. Suicidal thoughts become normal things in my life. Until it become my routine.


   The black dog had finally succeeded in hijacking my life. When you lose all joy in life, you can begin to question what the point of it is. 

   I started to commit suicide on my birthday.

20 April xxxx
00.00

  The day I was going to hang myself, I thought I was really insane to do that on the day.

00.13

  My brother came to help me.

Cursing him in my mind, please..just let me die




   Thankfully this was the time that I sought professional help. This was my first step towards recovery and a major turning in my life.

cognitive behavioral therapy, Antidepressant

  I also learned that there was no silver bullet or magic pill. Medication can help some and others might need a different approach altogether. 

  I also learned that being emotionally genuine and authentic, to those who are close to you, can be an absolute game changer.

  Most importantly, I learn not to be afraid of the black dog and I taught him a few tricks of my own. 

  The more tired and stressed you are the louder he barks, so it’s important to learn how to quiet your mind. 

  The black dog may always be part of my life but he will never be the beast that he was. 
We have an understanding. I learned that through knowledge, patience, discipline and humor the worst black dog can be made to heal. 

  If you are in difficulty, never be afraid to ask for help. There is absolutely no shame in doing so. The only shame is missing out on life. 

Thank for reading, good luck muggle :)

Mean.