the universe of infidrakinfidrak
002; A Thought At 10 PM
  • **Warning: This post is purely my ranting again.**

    The midterm exam is coming in few weeks. Next week I have my gen-ed exam, then the following week another exam is waiting. Gosh, it's such a pain in the ass. 

    No, in fact, the exam is not really my problem. It's just.... me being problematic. 

    I have to admit I'm quite moody right now because of numbers of reasons. First, my boss at the café. I talked to him a few days ago about changing my shift from 6 PM to the afternoon one before the new schedule was out. Can you imagine what happened? Nothing was changed. The point is I DO realise he has his own reasons but I cannot help feeling down about it. Yes, I'm very upset. Because the new part-timer got that fucking shift, and one other guy got another afternoon shift that I asked for. What's running in my head is like... what's his problem? Why can't he just help me with it? I know I sound unreasonable and annoying. But dude I have morning class at 9.30 the next day. It seems to me that he's willing to reschedule for most people excluding me. It's almost like he doesn't mind about my request at all though I'm one of his old crew. 

    Been upset about this for more than 24 hours now hahaha

    The thing is this situation reminds me of one phrase from my old book,'Mom you're the best'. In one chapter, they talk about how we should balance our life and work, don't devote your everything to the company/job you have and they say something like for the company you're replaceable; even though you're gone they can just find other people to work in your place, unlike for your family who thinks of you as the one and only, you're always irreplaceable. What I'm trying to say is even now I have to try my very best to stop from thinking highly of myself. I need to tell myself that don't believe the compliment they said because it's all sugar-coated. There's no way one can guarantee his own position in the workplace since it doesn't belong to you. No matter how much it feels like another home to you, a workplace is a workplace, it's a business. I cannot forget that.

    Then this evening I got a phone call from mom and again all she talked about was my sister. I know my sis needs help and mom suffers a lot but I just wonder does she has to talk to me only about this issue? Is it too much to start off by asking about my situation or listen to my problem? 

    I mean... I love them, I surely do yet I have to admit I also love myself. 

    Maybe I feel this gloomy because many things come to me at the same time. In addition to my exams, I have to help out other guys in my programme organise an open house event in upcoming October. It means I'm going to have a meeting every week. 

    And then again, I bet you can guess the consequence. Every time I have to work with people, I get more problems to deal with. 

    I do realise this's all about my attitude but gosh why life has to be this hard? 

    Need to stop writing now before I run out of time to finish other tasks for this upcoming week. Sharing about my messy life then I hope you guys would be in a better situation. Au revoir! 



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