2018 - like a fucked up facejjphnx
for every demons inside of me

  • This is my final short film in my film directing class.

    Normally, final short film in directing class supposed to be something that related to future thesis. Like an experimental or anything that you're interested to see that you will continue doing this topic or not. I always want to do short film about my dad. I've already made it in my short film class. And I always planed to continue doing it. But at that time, I was in a really bad place.

    I can't think of anything else. So I made this.

    I've always known. Since the whole week of me cried without any reasons, didn't want to wake up, couldn't close my eyes to sleep, thinking about dead, thinking about how to die, thinking about how unworthy am I and since those days ...

     I knew

    It will never leave me
    All of these sadness
    All of these depression
    All of these anxiety

    No matter how much better I got, it'll always be there inside of me.

    it's funny, sometime those demons comfort me.
    sometime those demons are the one who make me realise that I still live.

    but sometime
    I don't want to wake up 
    so I don't have to face anything inside my thoughts.


    These past few days
    I'm not in a great state again.

    and one of "how to feel better" is to write it out

    here it is.

    I'm still fighting.
    day by day.

    even some days I don't know why am I still breathing.
    Would it be better if I just disappear?


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