Loneliness is probably the worst.
It’s cruel how you can walk amidst a crowd of people, can feel the warmth from their bodies, can hear their humming conversations, and see their bright eyes and the smiles on their faces. But you still feel like a nobody.
A lonely nobody.
You plug your ears with those white pods, thumb sliding forever until the name of your favorite track catches your eyes, then accompany yourself with the music of your choice. You look around, and those people around you look as though they are the stars in your imaginary music video. The lighting is so nice, smoothly laying its presence on the couple, sharpening their silhouettes, cutting them out from the world. Sharp, as though it can slice through your eyes if you look at them for too long. You smile, pettily, scornfully, pitifully. They smile, genuinely, warmly, sweetly. You busy your hands with whatever, in order to not feel the empty nothing on your palm, to not let yourself wonder how you would feel if those spaces in between your fingers are filled by someone else’s.
I’d rather be alone.
Well not really, that’s the name of the track. Nice song by the way.