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thoughts on thingsoqdiolq
sad but alright
  • Isn't it sad how at the end of the day, after the sun sets, after you wash your dishes, after your friends go back to their place, after everything settles down and the tiny rectangular box you live in is filled with heavy silence, and all that's left is you, in front of your laptop, rereading your chat history with your boyfriend last night, trying to hold back your tear because you miss him?

    But he doesn't.

    You used to ask me whether it is necessary for you to say I miss you back whenever I say it.

    I said no. You only say it when you mean it.

    And you rarely said it since. And that's fair.

    It's a weird place to be, to be the only one who misses, the only one who wants to talk, the only one who feels too much; somehow, as though these all are not bad enough for your mental health, you still feel selfish and worthless, for being the only one who demands things.

    Isn't it sad how at the end of the day, I'm left alone, again and again, to take care of my own feeling. To suppress it. To hold things back. To wait until you are available again. I bet you don't really realize how hard this is for me, since you are going through something important and practical. Not something irrational and irrelevant.

    But it's alright. No one's to blame.

    I'll just let this sink in, and hope that one day I could feel a little less for you, so I my heart does not have to hurt this bad.

    It's alright.

    I wish I could just stop crying already. I hate myself.



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