- went to phukradueng 

I'm not mountain climbing type so I basically surprised myself by enjoying it. I knew I went there because of him and I got myself two scars on belly and elbow from falling while riding bicycle down the mountain but yay .. it was damn sure a good time.

- kangjor 24

I produced two film project for senior. Such a huge lesson in working as a producer and a filmmaker. There were tough and wonderful times. It took me awhile to find small beauty in it. (another thing I got from it; became Krabi city expert.)

- fight and misunderstood with people who I deeply care of

I still cry and feel unexplainably terrible about it. 

- internship

Two workplace, two different style but both working as a producer and I'm still confused about my own path. Because after my internship ended, none of my plan worked the way I thought. I still research about being a producer, still working on my must watch-list movies for film student, but I didn't work as a producer as much as I thought.

- relationship ended

It broke me, drove me crazy, put me back and forth, down and up. I know I'm fucked up when I ask myself once in awhile about my feeling and if you 'เจ้าก้อน' have a chance to see this blog - I still love you and I always do. You are my best friend even if you didn't act like one anymore. I stop it here. I can't continue to write about it. I'm sorry.

- losing friends

It's tearing me apart. 

- depression and doctor ta

I always thought I didn't have depression but 2016 was such a messy year so i tried to go see a doctor but it didn't go well. It was always up and down so I never sure about it. But early 2017, the doctor confirmed it and I finally have a proper therapy. l I met doctor.ta who bear with me the whole process of talking. I got better during my internship before first semester start and went back to being worse again after I broke up with him and losing friends. But now .. I can carry on without going back to see doctor.ta (no matter how much I want to talk to him lol).

- true love

I love my dad. I love my sister. I love my step-mom. I love my cats. I love eve my best friend. After everything I've been through, now I know who really love and care about me. If you're my friends, brothers and sisters passing this page and didn't find your name on it, I already told you guys in personal or in line app. Thank you for being there for me even in the time I'm crazy and likely to be the worse human-being to be nearby. Thank you. You never know how much I appreciate it.

2017

it's a black hole.

I fell hard.

I lost people.

Not just him.. but people who I thought they were my friends.

I'm fucked up. I screwed up.

I'm this close to do such a stupid thing like .. hurting myself.

I look for a reason to die but ...

I'm here.

I'm still here.

Breathing.

Writing this while listening to the xx 

Drinking umeshu mix with Diet Coke

Planning what to do where to go tomorrow

and the day after tomorrow

and the day after that

it's not much.

but I .. I just live day and day and live ... 

I want to have faith in myself and love again.

2018, a reset

- love myself 

- be able to love other again

- be kind to yourself and other

- be selfish sometime (it won't hurt you)

- be more healthy

- make film final project as a remarkable moment

and things more to come