Another quiet dayJust Came Out of Shower
A Knock At The Door
  • I am very sad.
    No, I feel very empty.
    At day, I chase for something I cannot reach.
    At night, I am haunted by it.
    It is a feelings -- an opaque and obnoxious one.
    I hate it.

    What come up to me?
    He or he?
    I was not made to be understood.
    I am actually in need of being understood, deeply
    I'm longing for that person my entire life
    who would sit there and listen to me
    let me be myself

    The problem is
    I has never been brave enough to show anyone my true self
    Being me is too naked and vulnerable
    Being me is very dark and unacceptable
    I always hide it inside.

    I don't usually let it come out,
    but there is sometimes when I'm so weak I could not stop it.
    Or when blacken afternoon is shining.
    It would come out and play around.
    It always leaves a mess behind.

    I ignore it a lot.
    I'm afraid of it.
    It is my old friend.

    When I like someone, I'll be so scared.
    I don't want to be hated.
    That's when I really start to ruin things.
    It can take place easily,
    and fuck my life up into pieces.

    I found myself so empty.
    I want to hold on to something.
    Something real
    that I will not get bored,
    that will keep me interested for a while.

    I ran
    before anyone can hurt me
    I don't know the borderline between
    try harder and let it go.

    Please send me someone.
    I want so badly to be fulfilled.

    Thu 30 Nov 2017 01:52 AM
    on my bed at the dorm
    an empty night, again


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